Sending our kids to a cooperative preschool meant we went to monthly
parent meetings and sometimes we had a parent educator. I remember that we had one named Fran
and another one who was Not Fran. I don’t remember if this story is about Fran
or Not Fran. Fran had short hair and a dry, academic way about her. Children
seemed like unwanted and unexpected carbonation in her drink as they bubbled about the classroom,
her fingers twitching in reaction. As irritated as Fran seemed by the presence of children, she seemed even more undone by parents, especially those with a lot of questions. Not Fran had a mop of curly hair and warm
eyes and a sultry overnight radio DJ voice. Not Fran liked to say understanding
things about parents and children having clashing personalities. Both were
prone to silences and somewhat grave. They attended every other parent meeting
and we received parent education from them. I was a coop preschool parent for
many years, something like seven or ten, and I remember well only one parent
education lecture.
This one evening, I had had a long day. My youngest child was only a
couple of months old and had had a whole set of shots that day. He was still
nursing so he came along to the parent meeting. That evening, he was uncomfortable from the
shots, and very fussy. We did our regular meeting business about upcoming field trips, snack schedule, and changes in classroom procedure, and I had to step
away from the group to attend to my cranky infant. Finally, I got him quiet in
my arms and I tiptoed back to the group.
The parent educator, Fran or Not Fran sat forward on the
sofa, her knees tightly together, her materials in a messy stack on the coffee
table in front of her. Parents sat all around her, in the living room chairs,
on the sofa arm, in dining room chairs they’d pulled in.
Fran or Not Fran was speaking in a quiet monotone on a
subject that had everyone’s attention. All eyes were on her. She was
methodically explaining that the technique she proposed relieves stress for
both kids and parents, makes for more fluid communication, and models emotional
resilience. Because I hadn’t heard what the subject was, I was having trouble
following her. She droned on for a while.
When the parents started asking questions, I tried piecing
together what she was talking about. I took my attention from Fran or Not Fran
to the other parents. They were concerned, serious, reflecting on the topic.
There was not even a half-smile to indicate the topic of discussion: they were talking about using humor in parenting.
I did what I always do in awkward situations: tried to be funny. Just to get things rolling, I asked, “I’m sorry. What are we
talking about?”
Fran or Not Fran turned to me, saying gently, “Using humor
in parenting.”
“Oh,” I said. “Does it
come in a refillable pump spray?”
No one laughed. The other parents looked confused. Fran or
Not Fran looked mildly annoyed.
I think we would have been coop buddies; I've more than once gotten blank stares and one or two nervous laughs for calling my kids "the toads" and "the lunatics" at our coop.
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